Relationship Counselling
Couples counselling is a journey of connection, understanding, and growth, paving the way for a happier relationship.
Are you seeking couples counselling?
Every relationship has its ups and downs – we all face challenging phases. Counselling can provide you with new skills and tools to build
a happier and healthier relationship.
Resolving conflicts
During a relationship crisis, we often feel unseen, disappointed, hurt, frustrated and sometimes even deeply unhappy. We seem to lose our confidence, clarity and ability for love and empathy.
Most of us have not learned how to resolve conflicts with emotional intelligence, love, and compassion. It was not something I was taught in school, and I don’t think it is part of today’s curriculum. As a result, we are left to our own devices when it comes to the most essential things in life: relationships, intimacy, sex, and love.
I support you to:
- Resolving disagreements and repetitive arguments
- Identifying misunderstandings
- Becoming aware of dysfunctional patterns
- Reducing tension and resentment
- Understanding existing co-dependency
- Navigating sexual differences and frustrations
- Managing jealousy and controlling behaviour
- Healing after an affair
- Overcoming a lack of connection
- Getting through separation and divorce
Turn your relationship around!
We can turn things around by learning new skills that support us in building healthier and happier partnerships. In the process, you get to know yourself better and see your relationship and partner in a new light.
Discussing relationship problems with a third person can feel intimidating, as it touches deeply personal matters. But let me assure you, the presence of a trained, unbiased person is usually very healing for couples.
Throughout the process, you’ll learn how to:
- Express your wants and needs in a balanced and honest way
- Strengthen your active listening skills
- Regulate and manage intense emotions
- Accept and honour your and your partner’s individuality
- Discover more of your inner strength and confidence
- Overcome dysfunctional patterns and fears that hinder your relationship from blossoming
- Develop healthy habits and rituals
- Practice being honest with yourself and your partner
Embracing Positive Relationship Psychology
How to build a loving relationship
Building a loving relationship involves understanding key elements of positive relationship psychology:
communication, self-responsibility, honesty, and empathy.
Communication
We often don’t realise how poor our communication skills are. Our conversations often involve fear, blame, complaints, demands, judgements, and threats. But through empathetic communication, our hearts and minds can open once again. You’ll learn to share your wants, needs, hopes, and dreams responsibly and vulnerably. Once you can do that, you will be able to listen to your partner in a new and different way. You may even hear things you never heard before, even though they have been said many times.
Self-responsibility
Living in harmony with yourself and your partner starts with embracing self-responsibility. This concept can transform all areas of your life, not just your partnership. Self-responsibility is based on the exciting discovery that your trigger points (buttons) and the resulting unpleasant emotions live inside of you. Your partner may be pushing your buttons, but the button itself is yours. That is good news because you can take care of your trigger points and heal them without relying on another person.
Honesty
Pretending, hiding, and lying can slowly erode the foundation of our relationship. Yet, being honest can feel scary at first, but in the long run it leads to trust and true intimacy. The truth will set you both free. Let your partner see the real you and encourage them to be themselves. Even if it requires courage, embrace honesty, and create a foundation built on trust, love, and a shared journey of growth.
Empathy
Empathy is the heartbeat of every thriving relationship, yet we often struggle to empathize because we are trapped in our wants and needs. Empathy begins with a willingness to put yourself into your partner’s shoes. Empathy requires honesty, active listening, and acknowledging each other’s feelings. The words, “I hear you. I understand you.” can be a huge game changer. However, those words do not mean “And now I do as you wish”.
Couples Counselling Options
I welcome all types of relationships and sexual orientations.
I work with couples worldwide in either English or German. A session lasts 90 minutes or, in an acute crisis, 120 minutes.
Let’s get to know each other during a free 45-minute discovery call. Then if we are a good fit, we will book your first session. At the end of that first session, I will recommend a plan for your upcoming sessions.
Frequently Asked Questions
Click the question below to expand the answer.
Most couples start to feel some changes after only five sessions. Of course, your progress depends very much on the issue you want to address and how committed you are to making a change.
Learning new relationship skills requires a certain amount of time and dedication. Change is achievable, but it is necessary to set aside time to read, study, and practice what you have learned. But what if work, children, or other responsibilities don’t allow you any extra time? In those cases, I recommend making the most of each session and being as present as you know how in your daily life. If your intentions are set for change and healing, it will happen.
No counsellor can “fix” a passive couple. The process requires your active participation during and in between sessions. You have to be motivated and do the work. Imagine you want to become fluent in a difficult language within three months, learning new relationship skills is just as complex. The more time you invest, the more you study and practice the faster your progress will be. I recommend setting aside at least two hours per week in addition to your sessions. And not all your homework will be serious. While facing uncomfortable issues is essential, practising can also be heartfelt and fun.
Yes, of course. Sometimes that it is necessary and beneficial to take individual sessions. However, transparency and honesty are essential. Your partner needs to know what you are working on in your session to avoid any secrets.
As children, we observe and learn. Most of us have picked up unconscious habits, behaviours, feelings, and beliefs from our parents. We need to become aware of those old patterns and let them go. A couple really consists of four people: two grown-ups and two inner children. If we are unaware of the inner child, we create a lot of confusion, hurt, and stagnation in our partnership.
Of course, we want our partner to love and appreciate us. We feel good when they find us attractive, interesting, intriguing, intelligent, witty, and desirable. But it burdens the relationship when we depend on our partner’s love and approval to feel confident. Learning self-love and self-care are essential for healthy relationships. Therefore, the question, “Why don’t I love myself more?” can be more valuable than, “Why don’t you love me more?”
Sometimes our relationship problems have very little to do with our actual partner. Instead, it could be that you are dissatisfied with your life situation. For example, you may be unhappy with your professional choices or facing problems with your health, addiction, secrets, self-esteem, friends, colleagues, or family of origin. Without realising it, you may be projecting your issues onto your relationship. To understand a relationship problem, we often need to look at our whole life. Ask yourself, “What else is going on in my life?” Contemplating this question brings you back to yourself and the underlying cause of your problem. Your partner is no longer the problem but part of the solution. They can start to support you in making changes to your life situation.
Sometimes it can lead to additional disagreements if one partner is ready for counselling and the other isn’t. Instead of arguing with your partner over their participation, just get started on your own for now. The relationship can improve even if only one person is committed to working on themselves. As you change, your partner might become curious and want to join.
Coaching or counselling is not appropriate if you or your partner are facing more serious mental health problems like addiction, personality disorder or a severe mental illness. In such cases, you must consult a trained mental health specialist, like a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.