The self-love journey

Question: Hi, I am new to the idea of self-love & self-care. My self-confidence is at rock bottom, and my anxiety is overwhelming. How do I start on the self-love and self-care journey?

Notice when you are judgemental towards yourself

Answer: I often hear about how to start the self-love and self-care journey. I asked it too when I started. It seems to me that most of us can’t just switch from disliking ourselves to loving ourselves. Therefore, I suggest you begin by noticing when you are not loving and caring towards yourself. Pay attention and notice when you are tight, harsh, judgemental, strict, pushy, bossy, controlling and unforgiving towards yourself.

We all have a critical and judgemental voice inside of us. We must become fully aware of it before we can start detaching from it. What is your inner critic saying to you? What are the specific judgements? How does it talk to you? What tone and what kind of vocabulary does it use? In which situations does it pipe up? Is it louder in some cases than in others? Is it constant? And how do you react to this inner critic? Are you fighting and resisting it? Or are you subservient to it – believing what it says? Or are you ignoring and denying its existence?

Self-love begins with embracing your inner critic

I started by observing and getting to know my inner critic intimately. Becoming aware of your critical voice can feel uncomfortable and even scary. Sometimes it can feel as if paying more attention to it makes it more powerful. But in fact, you are just in the process of realising its full extent.
Once you know your critic well, you can question its validity. Are those judgements true? Does the inner critic see you with clarity and truth? Self-inquiry can be an effective method to overcome our dependency on this ‘authority’. Questioning the inner critic will support you in connecting to something more profound, your true essence.

Moving towards self-love and self-care

It may sound contradictory, but my encouragement is to accept your inner critic and develop a friendly and caring relationship towards it. It is a part of you, living inside of you. If you fight it, you are perpetuating your inner conflict. Instead, acknowledge your critic, thank it for its opinion and then make your own choice. This approach is without conflict – no resistance and no struggle. Live the way you want, moment to moment.

Turn Self-Criticism into Self-Acceptance

Are you curious to learn more about self-love and self-care? I offer a personalised 6-week course: Turn Self-Criticism into Self-Acceptance. For more information, click here.
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