Love & Fear
Some time ago, I read somewhere that there are only two basic feelings: Love & Fear. It sounded interesting, and I explored it. To me, it seems true. I realised that when I am not in a state of love, I am experiencing some form of worry, anxiety or fear.
I find it now much easier to be with any uncomfortable emotions. No matter what discomfort I am experiencing, I can always go straight to the core of it by asking myself, what am I afraid of?
The many faces of fear
There are plenty of uncomfortable emotions like anger, agitation, impatience, envy, guilt, jealousy, revenge, sadness etc. We need those labels so we can communicate and understand each other. But they all have one thing in common – they are all fear-based.
Jealousy
When I am jealous, I am fearful of
- losing someone’s love
- being rejected or discarded
- not being as worthy as someone else
- not being loved
Envy
When I am envious, I am afraid
- of not having enough, being enough, doing enough
- of missing out
- of being outdone by others
Shyness
When shyness comes over me, I am afraid
- to be seen
- to get it wrong and fail
- to attract opposition, judgements or arguments.
- to attract ridicule and embarrassment
Stress
When I am stressed, I am anxious to
- meet a deadline
- get it right and be perfect
- make a good impression
- make a better impression than others
- be successful and get approval
Anger
Anger can be loud and intimidating; therefore, most people do not immediately associate it with fear. When I am angry, I am afraid to
- to lose control
- to not get what I want and need
- to be hurt, judged or embarrassed
- to fail
Addiction
When I get lost in addiction, I am afraid
- to feel what I am feeling
- to be with reality as it is
- to face my discomfort and negative emotions
Guilt
When I feel guilty, I am afraid
- of being a bad person, daughter, friend, or partner
- of being selfish
- speaking my truth and being me
- taking responsibility for who I really am
What are you afraid of?
Do you want to experiment with the theory that every discomfort is fear based? If so, in moments of emotional distress, ask yourself, what am I afraid of right now? Be still and listen. If you are patient, you will hear an answer.
I realised that there is a basic fear mantra that goes like this:
- Life is not supporting me.
- I am not good enough.
- I am not going to be all right.
Are you anxious? So are we!
If you consider yourself anxious, you probably compare yourself to others and wish to be braver, stronger and more confident.
Look at the world around you and tune into the people you meet. It does not matter whether they are people you know or strangers. Open your senses – listen and feel them. Can you detect fear behind what they say and do – even if they appear strong, arrogant, superior, angry or assertive?
Maybe the realisation that everyone deals with fear will invite you to consider that you are not alone and that there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you. Once we recognise nothing is wrong with us, we can relax and examine our fearful reoccurring thoughts and feelings with self-inquiry and kindness.
Tell me about your experience and leave me a comment or a question. I am curious.
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@2023, Sabine Brosche. All rights reserved.
